One of the books that I am reading is called Raising Daughters by Elium & Elium. Nika had noticed the cover of the book (a girl about her age standing in front of a pool with floatie, goggles, and flippers - she can SO relate to that). She asked me what the book was about, so I told her that I was reading about how to be a better mom to her, and it just thrilled her! It was amazing to me how the simple act of telling her “I care about being a good mom” made me (at least temporarily) seem like a better mom to her! Setting intentions into words can be so powerful!

One of the things this book talks about is communication, and how females are just inherently better at it that males. It talks of a study of infants, who would start babbling when a caretaker would be close. Girls would stop babbling when the caretaker left, and begin again when they came back. Boys would continue to babble, even when no one was there; they would babble to a crib, a blanket, etc. That made me LAUGH! It seems we females are more concerned about the interactions, while males are more concerned with hearing themselves talk. (Note: yeah, studies, science, gender role programming, etc. Just enjoy the thought and keep reading.)

Like many other people, I live my life in cycles. One of the cycles that I go through is related to books and reading. People who know me well know that I very very rarely read fiction (much to my mother’s chagrin). Instead, I prefer to read about what I call “real” things. (I know, I know, stories are real, they are poignant, relevant, and important. I know. They’re just not my thing, k?)

Anyways, I go from reading no books for a long time to reading, like, ten at a time. Right now I am reading ten. Most of the books that I am currently reading are about parenting. Lately, there has been a lot of turmoil and upheaval in the parenting world of Liza Kindred. A combination of events (school being let out, the break-up of a long-term relationship, the prospect of moving but not knowing where or when, the onset of the summer which was supposed to bring back a father’s involvement but unfortunately won’t, etc.), along with the natural progression of time, have come together to cause me to be very unsure about my parenting.

I have finally come to the realization that I will be doing most of the parenting myself. By myself. I will be a divorced, single, working mother. And it looks like there will be no relationship between Nika and her father, at least for years to come. This has saddened me a great deal, (and her as well), as we were both operating under the assumption that, come this summer, she would be able to start seeing her dad again. Even if she could see him a once or twice a month, I think it could help her. But, unfortunately and entirely predictably, her father still has not grown up enough to lead an adult life or make adult choices. He continues to be a victim of his own demise.

And so, that leaves me with trying to figure out how to be both mom and dad. Hence, the books. Here are what i see as my primary focuses on being a parent:

Nika and I have been talking about some pretty deep things lately. Just now, she was trying to read, and she told me "I can't do it", which I do NOT let her get away with saying, ever. (I am a pretty strong believer in the power of our words to shape our selves.) I told her, "Nika, there is nothing that you can't do. NOTHING." to which she replied "So, you're saying that I can convince you to make my allowance $100 a week?". I had to think about my response before I gave it. What I told her was "You can do anything from here (touch her heart) in, and you can control nothing from there out. You can only ever change what's on the inside of you, and that's all you'll ever need to be responsible for."

Good answer right? So then she responded, "Well, yeah, I see what you mean, mom. Unless I have a remote control, right?" Well..... right. But I think the point was taken. Right?

Poor, poor little Nika. Much like her mom, she looks like she might be graceful. She's tall and thin, could make a great ballerina.... but, alas. In addition to getting those physical attributes, she also inherited, without a doubt, her mother's clumniness.

She recently had a very traumatic fall out of about a half a story that ended in her splayed face first on the ground. While she looked like she may have broken multiple bones, she managed to only pull her groin muscle which left her limping around for weeks.

I, on the other hand, was not quite that lucky. While trying to show off on the trampoline yesterday (I'm still in my 20's! I can do that, right?) I miscalculated the length of my gangly limbs. I smacked my foot down on the metal edge of the trampoline so hard that I managed to break my toe. Lovely....

That makes the sixth bone I have broken since I turned 21!!

Excuse me, I need to go take pop a calcium pill and apologize to my daughter for the legacy I am giving her.